Uncle Dirk has Passed Away

My father's brother - my Uncle Dirk has passed away this past week.  I really wanted to fly down for the memorial, but I thought it would be weird to pop in out of nowhere.  Most of my extended family hasn't seen me in many years.  Then there would be the awkward time to reintroduce myself and visiting at a time when grief and memories of an Uncle I don't have a lot of memories of should be the focus.  Fortunately I have a cousin I remember as Bert who is gifted with the camera who taped the service and posted it to our cousins page on Facebook.

The memorial struck me for a couple of reasons.  One, Uncle Dirk had a close and life long friend who did a beautiful job of recounting their special and incredible friendship.  His memorial was so vivid I felt I came to know Uncle Dirk in a special way through the eyes of a dear friend.

There was something else that moved me.  While I listened to the service and saw the faces of loved ones that emerge from behind the sands of time something about my father came forward.  Hearing the stories framed a side of my father I had never seen or had forgotten about.  The family that surrounded him and made him who he was.

Who my father was was definitely misunderstood by me.  I didn't have his brothers and sisters and their friends as a frame of reference.  That reference has helped me understand that my father's dreams and tears were shared in some way by his family and ultimately his mother and father.  You can see Oma and Opa's fingerprints not only on everyone that I recognize in the video, but everyone I hold dear here in Alberta and ultimately in myself.

I am so very grateful to have this connection through my cousins.  I don't want to get too emotional on people I don't know too well, but I have to say they have re-written for me some memories of my father and who he was.

Thank you.

He Stopped Loving Her Today

My Mother (Tina van Engen) and Father Nick Moraal circa 1960

This happy photo was taken about the time my parents were dating.  I am not even a distant thought being the youngest of five.  They were happy in this photo and I believe they loved each other.  How could I even begin to describe his emotional life and I suppose I won't even try.  Though he and I talked about this period in his life sometimes at his insistence and more than I would have liked.  He loved her to the point that he never loved any other woman as much even though their marriage ended in divorce in 1987.  Right or wrong he never truly let her go.

I believe there is only one song that we often sung together that truly fits his circumstance.  We often sang it as a bit of play on his broken heart.  Funny because the words of the song were true.  He could joke about anything.

  Being that my father had heart disease we often jested about his ultimate demise.  This might sound cruel to the observer, but that's what our relationship was like.  When he was in the hospital with his first by-pass surgery more than twenty five years ago he was a joke a minute.  He joked about the pain in his chest.  It was his way.  He said that the only way to cure this pain was to drop something on his foot so he'd be distracted from the pain around his heart.

We'll I suppose I caused him some pain in his life, but I can't see it being enough to distract him from his broken heart.  So Dad if my views on your life and your divorce from Mom hurt you a little I am sorry.  And not that I wish to have, but maybe if it distracted from your deepest hurts I might have helped you.  I wish I could have made you understand that life goes on if we choose to, but I can't judge you for not letting her go.

Dad I am singing with you...